Ruminations of/on the Certifiably Insane

I woke up this morning with story running circles in my head, screaming to get out.

“Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy,” I thought. “This is great stuff. Maybe I can get to my computer today and write it all down…”

My three year old comes to my elbow just as I am sitting down and asks me if she can play on my computer. “When I’m done,” I say.

She waits exactly twenty seconds. “Are you done now?”

“No,” I tell her. “Go talk to daddy.”

Breakfast. I can’t write on an empty stomach… And then the dishes. Then the necessary. Have you ever noticed that just when you are up to your eyeballs in something uninterruptable, nature calls? Insistently?

My nine year old comes to the door of the bathroom. Apparently the world has come to an end and I missed it. He wants to get on my computer, he yells through the door, and he needs me to type in the password. It resets itself every thirty seconds, you see. Some security setting. I tried to fix it, but I think all I fixed was the aspect ratio. If anybody knows how to turn an upside down screen right side up, I would sure love the information. Why do we even have that setting?

“Oh well,” I tell myself. “The kids are on my computer now. I may as well vacuum and make the beds.” And clean the bathroom. Ugh. When I was little I could milk romance out of anything. When it was my turn to clean the bathroom, I would get out the scrub-brush and bucket and “Sing Sweet Nightingale” while I scrubbed the floor on my hands and knees.  You know; Cinderella. If I ever find out whose bright idea it was to put textured white linoleum with glamorous glittery gold flecks in a bathroom…

The bathroom will wait. It’s my computer, I can boot the kids off and write.

It takes serious effort to drive off two daughters, two sons, one nephew, two nieces and a few random neighbor kids, but I have survived. The repercussions will be felt when they turn on the hose in the back yard, but at least they are outside now. Type fast, little wanna-be author!

My fingers hover over the keyboard, waiting for those first golden words to spill out; the immortal poetry that will give my story flight, that will raise my words to sacred truth in the minds of worshipful readers everywhere…



Zero, zip, zilch.

Oh, %~^&*$}?@#!!!!!!!

I guess I’ll go clean the bathroom.


by Ava Mylne

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3 responses to “Ruminations of/on the Certifiably Insane

  • Dan

    Ava, it generally depends on your video card, but ctrl + shift + (up arrow key) should fix your monitor issue.
    Cheers and good luck on the ruminations of a writer around thier youngens

  • Ava

    Thanks, Dan. All joking aside, my family is my greatest blessing. I am lucky to have them. 🙂

  • M.L. Forman

    Ava, Just a tip on that story that needs to come out NOW!
    Keep notebooks and notepads everywhere, along with some kind of writing implement. If nature calls, lock yourself in and scribble down the ideas. (a clipboard or hard backed notebook will help here.) Do not rely on your computer to write, they are evil demonic machines that at taking over the world. (O.K. I put that in for the uni-bomber types out there.)
    Always carry a notebook on your person, you never know when that next great idea will hit. Yea, so I have so many notebooks that my floor sags and I’m in danger of a termite attack. Might be OCD, but I’m always ready.

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